The Magical Healing of Home Improvement

Folks, perhaps you have heard of the sacred grotto in Lourdes, France where miraculous healings are said to sometimes occur. Many thousands of people flock to the site of the Virgin Mary’s reported appearance in 1885 to hopefully be cured of what ails them by the holy water coming out of a spring. Well, if you have made travel plans to go there, I can let you in on a secret that will save time and money.
We apparently have our own non-medical healing spot right here in the Charleston area. I will not reveal the exact location as it might result in tons of people coming here to take advantage of it. Our city fathers would not appreciate the large influx of tourists and might retaliate by ticketing me for being an unlicensed tour guide/promoter. However, if you send $9.99 to me in care of this paper I will divulge the site.
Here’s proof of my assertion. Last week I overbought a piece of lumber and went to return it the next day at a local big box home improvement center. The clerk at the return desk scanned the board’s tag and I turned around to lean it up against the wall. I should have been paying more attention to my placement as my return knocked down three walking canes hanging on a nearby shelf.
I was slightly embarrassed over my cause of the clamor and picked up and rehung the canes. The employee just smiled and said the walking aid devices accrue there all the time. Then it hit me. Some people need these aluminum canes when they come in to do business, but have no use for them when they leave. Bingo! Hospitals, doctors’ offices, and rehabilitation centers have outlived their usefulness to the walking impaired.
Speaking of two-footing it around, I heard a radio ad for a new subdivision and one of the touted benefits of living there was that it was within walking distance of parks and shopping. I may be wrong, but it seems I remember hearing of at least one individual who, with the exceptions of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, walked around the world. If that is true, then Tierra del Fuego at the bottom of South America to the northernmost polar regions are within walking distance of Charleston. I guess it depends on your motivation and how many pairs of shoes you can carry.”
James David Altman lives in West Ashley and has been a contributing columnist for several publications. He’s the son of the late former S.C. Republican House of Representative of John Graham Altman III. You can reach him at rabidreb@gmail.com