Drop A Dime On Crime

Folks, what do you think is the toughest job in America right now? I posed this question to several friends and received the following responses- 1. digging ditches in the Alabama sun with a too short shovel, 2. being the White House Press Secretary, 3. being a devout vegan at a meat packing plant. I grant that those were all valid and well thought out responses. However, I believe I have them topped. My guess would be the Chamber of Commerce president in Ferguson, Missouri.
Unless you’ve been in an isolation chamber lately, surely you have heard of the violence, looting, arson, and shooting at police officers in the St. Louis suburb. I will not use the term “protests.” Ghandi, for example, protested against the British rule in India. No, what’s happening while I write is a case of mobs gone wild. I cannot fathom how looting liquor stores and burning down businesses like pizza shops qualify as appropriate acts of disapproval. I expect that after the furor has died down, some community organizers will decry the lack of local job opportunities.
I feel for the small business owner whose taxes help to pay for the local police force. They have to stand at a distance and watch their livelihoods being ransacked and put to the torch while the officers present were told to stand down and do nothing. I expect most of the cops were also seething at their bosses lack of backbone.
Are you old enough to remember pay phones? Years ago there was a slogan to encourage people to report suspicious activities or crimes. The line went, “Drop a dime on crime.” Well, inflation sent the cost to .25 cents and that slogan didn’t really work anymore. I used to joke that the new catch line should be “Spend a quarter for law and order.” Nowadays, with the government handing out “free” phones like candy at a parade, I would like to suggest my own mantra. It goes like this- “Use your Obama to start some police drama.”
Lord knows the police need all the citizenry tips they can get to catch criminals. Far too often no witnesses in crowds — sometimes in the hundreds — will step forward and name names out of fear of deadly retribution. They pull a Sargent Schultz right out of Hogan’s Heroes. You remember the lines “I know nothing, I see nothing.”
To end on a lighter note, I am pleased that the Coburg Cow sign will be returned to its previous landmark glory. I noticed the missing carton the other week and was not worried at all. I remembered the old adage about crying over spilled milk.
James David Altman lives in West Ashley and has been a contributing columnist for several publications. He’s the son of the late former S.C. Republican House of Representative of John Graham Altman III. You can reach him at rabidreb@gmail.com.